How To Reconcile A Relationship
MESSAGE TRANSCRIPTION:
My name is Brandon, and I am one of the leaders here. I want to point out the most powerful statement. I think that is in a song that we just sang. It says I am who you say I am. This morning, a lot of us are walking around, and we’ve missed that God has already defined us, that we are loved, and we are known, and our story matters. I don’t know if you know this, but here at Eastside, we fully believe in your story, and we believe in relationships. We are a church that fights for relationships. As we’re walking into the holiday season, a lot of us have a story of a relationship that needs to be reconciled. We have a story of a relationship that is in the midst of being broken right now. One of the things that I’m reminded of is that I’ve walked in places and in relationships where I’ve hurt people, and people have hurt me, and I’ve let those moments define who I am. I silenced the voice of God and who he said that I am. Even my wife and me, before we were married, we were at a point where we took a break, and we had to step back, and we had to create space for God to do only what He can do. Here I am a year later, married to my wife and God. God has reconciled everything in our marriage, and we are stronger than ever. It’s only because me and Rachel stepped back and created space for God to do what only He can do. And so I want to encourage you. I want to challenge you this morning. Virgil has worked all week. He’s allowed God to work through him all week on this message. I want you to lean in. I want you to take notes, and I want you to make space in your heart this morning because there’s a relationship that you need to be reconciled with. There is some brokenness that you’ve gone through, some baggage that you have, and I just want to pray that you guys create space for God to do only what He can do. So just pray with me. Father, we come to you this morning. I pray right now for Pastor Virgil that he would just continue to do what he’s done all week, which is just be obedient, and that God, you would just work through him this morning, and God, I pray for everyone here. God, we’ve all had a relationship. We’ve all encountered someone God where we’ve hurt someone, or they’ve hurt us, and that God, we just need to be reconciled in what has happened. God, we know the only way that these relationships can be mended, the only way that we can find healing, the only way we can move past this is God if we create space in our heart for you to be able to do only what you can do so God. This morning, I just pray that we are obedient. Jesus, we thank you so much. Amen.
Thank you. You can be seated this morning. Well, good morning, everyone. Now, let’s try that one more time. Good morning. It is so good to see you. I am Virgil Grant. I’m one of the pastors around here. I’m also the Senior Pastor. I just want to say. I’m so glad to see you. Last week, we made an announcement about what we are sensing that God is leading us to do in this coming year. And the response from all of you has been overwhelming. Once again, it’s amazing to me that every time I share with you, this is where God is leading us. You rally around that, you rally behind that, and you put all of your time, talents, and treasures behind it, and you make it a reality. I don’t know if you know this or not. That’s really an exception to what’s going on in the world because in a lot of churches, God is asking them to do something, and they’re going. We can’t do that, Lord. No way. We’re not doing that. But you keep on saying yes. If you missed the announcement last week, let me just quickly give it to you. We sense that God is leading us to start two new ministries and relaunch a third ministry. All three of them have to do with children and families. So let me just quickly share with you those ministries that God’s asking us to launch or relaunch. The first one is a special needs classroom for special needs children. We already have five or six that are coming, but they’re all in a classroom with E-buddies who are working with them and an adult who’s going to the classroom with them. We need to build a special needs room. I don’t know anything about that. They tell me there’s special flooring. There are special walls and special lighting for you that are teachers. You know all about that. You know, way more than I do. But we need to do a separate entrance for them. And if we need to be for anybody in our community, we need to be for these families. Wouldn’t you agree with me that we should do that? The second thing that God is leading us to do is to launch a limited preschool here on campus because we’re having a baby boom. And one of the things that happens with double-income families is that there’s pressure that deals with child care and preschool. And we believe that God wants us to step into that. This coming spring, on a limited basis, test the waters. Then, later on, we move into a more full time. The third thing is, is that God wants us to relaunch. Feed my starving children. That is when we pack 200,000 meals. Then they are shipped off to countries around the world where there are 30 different countries that receive these healthy meals that help to sustain life, and all of that is going to cost around $185,000. What we’re asking you to do is pray a very simple prayer. God, what would you want to do through me in faith to meet these needs? Again, there’s no pressure on your part. There’s no pressure on the leadership. This is just an invitation for you to ask God. God, what do you want to do through me in faith to meet these needs? We’ve already had people step up and make one time gift. We’ve already had people step up and say, You know what? I’ll do whatever you need me to do. I’ll work in the preschool department for free. I will help to get it ready. I’ve had people talk to me about special needs program. We’ve had all kinds of great momentum around this.
For some of you, you’re going to make a one-time donation. You’re going to do that online. You’re going to do that before the end of the year. Some of you are going to make a one-time donation, but you can’t do it until the spring. That’s okay. Some of you are going to up your giving. Some of you are going to step into generosity. For the very first time, you’ve been looking for an opportunity to step into generosity. This is your sign. This is your opportunity to do that again. There’s no pressure from any of us because we believe this is what God is asking us to do. Whatever God originates, he always makes sure that it happens. You can go to our end-of-the-year fund. You go to eastsideky.church/endoftheyear You can let us know of your intentions. You can fill out the form so that we can have a tabulation of what everyone’s doing. And I’m excited about what these ministries are going to do and impact families here in our community and around the world. Aren’t you excited about it? It’s okay if you don’t know what you’re going to do. Rose and I are still praying the prayer. We don’t know what the Lord’s going to lead us to do. We know that we’re going to do something. We don’t know if we’re just going to make a one-time gift or we’re going to do one time gift and some other things involved that we’re still praying for. It’s okay if you don’t have the answer right now, you can just continue to pray, and God will reveal that to you. Well, this morning, we are continuing our sermon series, A Blessed Life in a Broken World. This is week seven. Next week, we’re going to close the sermon series out. Then starting in December, we’re going to talk about Christmas miracles. For three weeks, we’re going to talk about the miracles that God is doing in and around us. I’m really excited and pumped up about that sermon series. We’re talking about eight different ways of which God will bless us and if we will do these eight things. These eight things are things that we will do that will increase our happiness. They will increase our relationships. It will increase our spiritual vitality. It will help us to be better at our jobs and our careers. One of the fundamental things that we need in order to be happy is how to handle conflict resolution. The reality is, How do we reconcile a broken or strained relationship? If you think about it, this is a skill that is needed in every arena of our life. If you’re married, do you need to know how to reconcile a strained relationship? Absolutely. I’m not going to ask anybody to raise your hand if you’re a parent. Do you need to do that with your children? Absolutely. If you have a job or career, you have to do that with your boss or with your employees. If you are in a life group, you have to know how to reconcile relationships there, even in church, even with your neighbors, in your neighborhood. Literally, everywhere you go there, there’s a need to restore broken or strained relationships. Here’s the reality. Nobody taught us how to reconcile relationships. I don’t know about you. Your parents probably didn’t teach you how to reconcile broken or strained relationships. The reason why is nobody taught them. You didn’t take a class on it in school. You didn’t read a book on it. It’s one of these skills that is essentially ignored in our society. Someone has said that 70% of Americans handle conflict the same way. They ignore it. That is roughly true. Here’s what Jesus says in Matthew chapter five. He says this.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
Matthew 5:9 (NIV)
Now, it’s important that you understand that there’s a difference between a peacekeeper, a peace breaker, and a peacemaker. Now, let me just break these down for you. These are not only outlines. If you have to take notes, take notes. Let me just break this down for you individually.
Peacekeeper
Peacebreaker
Peacemaker
Now, the peacekeeper describes many of you that’s in the room today. Many of you that are here today. Here is your M.O. Whenever conflict breaks out, what do you do? Boom. You run in the opposite direction. You ignore it. You just somehow or another avoided it together. That is what you call a peacekeeper. They keep peace at all costs. And many of you, you would fit into that category. Many of you are the peacebreakers. The peacebreakers are the people that go on the defense. You become full of anger. You become hostile. You begin to hold grudges. You begin to take it out on other people, and you get upset. You get on the defense with other people. Jesus says, blessed are the peacemakers, and the peacemakers are the individuals who are willing to do the hard work to step into the conflict and resolve the conflict. And trusting God in the process. Would you not agree with me that our world needs more peacemakers and fewer peace breakers, and fewer peacekeepers? Wouldn’t you agree with me? I would. Here’s the thing, today, I’m going to describe to you the seven steps in how to be a peacemaker. Now, before we get there, I want you to understand when I talk about being a peacemaker and you reconciling relationships. I’m not talking about you’re going to go and remarry your ex. I’m not talking about that at all. Here’s what I’m saying, you’re going to bury the hatchet. You’re going to let go of your anger. You’re going to release them. You’re going to resolve it, somehow or another, the conflict so that you can have peace with yourself and the person that you’re reconciling with. Now, before we get into these seven steps, I want to explain to you three reasons why you should care about this. Now, for many of you, you’ve had conflict in your life, your entire life. I mean, you’ve had a broken relationship for years now. Many of you you’ve had broken relationships for months and weeks. Some of you it was on the way to church this morning. Here’s the reality most of us would just say, Well, I’m just going to let that broken relationship slide, and you do not understand the implications of a broken relationship. And the reality is a broken relationship is costing you on so many different levels. I just want to explain to you three of them this morning. Okay. Again, this one is on the outline. You have to write these down if you want to take notes. If you don’t, that’s fine, too. But the first thing you need to understand is that a broken relationship that’s not resolved.
It blocks my fellowship with God.
In other words, folks, if you’re not right with one another, how can you be right with God? The only way that you can be right with God is to be right with your other brothers and sisters and the other people in your lives. If you’re not, then there’s no way that you can be right with God. Notice what it says here.
“If anyone says ‘I love God,’ but keeps on hating his brother, he is a liar; for if he doesn’t love his brother who is right there in front of him, how can he love God whom he has never seen?”
1 John 4:20 (LB)
Folks, if you’re out of relationship with someone here on Earth, if your relationship is out of whack, there’s no way that you can have a relationship with God. Here’s the reality, many of you. You’ve got a broken relationship, and you’re blaming everybody except yourself. You’re blaming me. You’re blaming the leadership of the church. You’re blaming the fact that the lights are on too bright. You blame me that the music is too loud. The reality is this. You have a broken relationship that’s hindering your fellowship with God. Rather than you acknowledging it and doing something about it, you are blaming everyone around you and your friends. That is not even fair. That’s a sermon for another day. The second thing it does is that it.
It blocks my prayers from being answered.
If you have a broken relationship and you are praying to God, your prayers are blocked. They’re hindered because God created you and put us here on Earth so that we can love one another and so that we can express love to one another. How can we express love to one another when our prayers are not being answered and our relationship with God is blocked? Now, husbands, let me show you something here. This is a little scary. Notice what it says.
“Husbands, be considerate of your wives, and treat them with respect… so that nothing hinders your prayers.”
1 Peter 3:7 (NIV)
Now you know what that says? It says this. If you’re not showing respect, if you’re not treating your wife with love and dignity, then your prayers are not being answered. That’s exactly what the Bible is saying. It’s not what I’m saying. Men, we need to understand. Women, we need to understand congregation. We need to understand that when our relationships are out of whack, then our prayers are not being heard. We’re out of fellowship with God. Number three.
It blocks my happiness!
Now, again, there are more and more reasons why we should care about this. I’m just giving you what I think is the top three. How many of you last Sunday night watched the special on CBS with Adele? How many of you watched anybody? Now, let me just say something to you. Don’t go back and watch it because it is horrible marriage advice from Adele and from Oprah. I mean, it was just pitiful marriage advice. I mean, nothing biblical about it whatsoever. Here’s the thing I took away from the special I watched a little bit of it. Adele had a conflict with her ex-husband, and you could be sitting on top of the world. You can be one of the most famous celebrities in the entire world. You can have $180 million worth of money. If you have conflict, things are not right. Her happiness wasn’t there because she had all this conflict with her ex-husband. Now, listen to me. God wants us to sow seeds of peace. Look what it says in James chapter three.
“Those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness.”
James 3:18 (NLT)
Don’t you want to reap a harvest of goodness? Well, how do we do that? We plant seeds of peace. And this is the law of sowing and reaping. Right, Heather? Whatever you sow is what you will reap. Now, think about this. You can sow something that is good, or you can sow something that is bad. You can so peace, and you will reap what? Peace, you can sow generosity, and you will reap what? The generosity you can sow generous praise to other people. What will you reap in return? Generous praise, but you can sow bitterness. What do you reap in return? Bitterness. You can sow resentment. What do you get in return? Resentment. You can see so much hatred. What do you get in return? Hatred. Now, here’s the thing that you need to realize. Whatever you sow, you don’t get that back. But you get what? Hundreds, thousands of more of that back, right? You go and plant a kernel of corn in the ground. What do you get back? You don’t get back one kernel of corn. What do you get? You get an entire stock of corn. And an entire stock of corn has thousands of kernels of corn that’s on there. God says I want you to plant. And sow this of peace so that you can reap a harvest of goodness. So how do you become a peacemaker? Now, let me just say something to you. I believe that everyone in this room has a relationship that is strained or broken that needs to be reconciled. So I think this message is applicable to everyone. I think everybody falls into this category. So this is a reason why I’m talking about this. And there are seven steps that you need to take. The first one is this.
How to Be a Peacemaker:
Make the FIRST MOVE
Now, some of you are saying, nope, I’m not doing that, Pastor. When they make the first move, then I will engage. I will get into the dialog. I will seek to reconcile it. But I’m not taking the initial move. I’m going to wait on them. Folks, listen to me. That is called being a peacekeeper, not a peacemaker. A peacemaker steps into it, and they’re willing to make peace. Now, do you understand that there’s something more important than worship? There’s nothing more important than worship. Do you know what the Bible says? Reconciliation of relationships is more important than our worship. In other words, if you have a broken relationship, You shouldn’t be in worship this morning. You should actually be out reconciling the relationship. Now, not everybody leaves at once, please. Okay? You sit still. This is true. This is what the Bible says. Look with me, if you will, at Matthew chapter five.
“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.”
Matthew 5:23-24 (NLT)
Folks, listen to me. There’s something more important than worship, and that’s reconciling relationships. Let me just ask you a question. How many of you had an argument in the car on the way to church this morning? Don’t raise your hand. Here’s the thing, Jesus would say that it’s more important for you to sit in the car, for you to resolve the relationship before you come in to worship. What do we do? Most of the time, we have an argument on the way to church. We put on a smiley face. We walk into worship, and we’re saying, God bless me. Speak to me. But we have broken relationships. Folks, the reality is that conflict is never resolved accidentally. Conflict is always resolved intensely. Conflict is never resolved itself. You must make this decision to take the initiative. Make sense? Two people said, yes, make sense? I didn’t ask if you agreed with it. I asked you does this makes sense. Now, if I ask you if you agree with it be a whole completely different thing. Number two.
How to Be a Peacemaker:
Ask God for WISDOM
Not only do you make the decision to go first, but now you got to ask God for wisdom. Now, in James chapter one, verse five, we have probably looked at this verse a thousand times over the last year because we have needed wisdom on so many different levels. And here’s what the Bible says.
“If you want to know what God wants you to do, ask Him, and He will gladly tell you …”
James 1:5 (LB)
Now, here’s the reality. Many of you you’re scared to death to think about reconciling your broken or strained relationship. You say, well, what do I say, Pastor? How do I say it, Pastor? When do I say it, Pastor? That is the reason why we have James chapter one, verse five. Is that you go to God, and you say, God, give me your perspective, give me your wisdom. Help me to understand the path forward. Now, listen to me because I’m your Pastor, Because I love you. Because I care for you. I’m going to pause right now to ask you about your head. I’m going to pray for God’s wisdom to flow through you as you think about and ponder how to move forward to reconcile a broken or strained relationship. So would you pray with me? Father. We’re all scared to death of conflict. Nobody likes addressing conflict. Yet you have told us this morning that it’s more important than worship. It’s more important for us to be in harmony with someone and be in that relationship than it is to be in worship, Lord. We know that you’re not saying go back and remarry your ex or whatever. You’re just saying that we had to reconcile and bury the hatchet, make peace, and bring forth harmony. I pray that you give these people. The sheep that you’ve entrusted to me that you will give the people here to church the courage to reconcile. The courage to deal with tough issues that have been pushed under the carpet or swept into the corner and pretended like they were not happening. Lord, help us to face what we’re pretending not to know. Help us to be real and help us to have integrity. God gives us the right place at the right time. That is the right thing to say. Help us to come up with the right attitude when it comes time to reconcile. We pray all of these things in the name of Jesus. Everyone agreed and said together. Amen and Amen. Step number one is to do what? Take the initiative. Step number two is to do what? Ask for God’s wisdom. Step number three. You’re not going to agree with it. But you have to do it.
How to Be a Peacemaker:
I Begin With What’s MY FAULT
Now some of you are saying, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Pastor, it really wasn’t my fault. I promise you. In this strained relationship, It’s 99.9. 9% the other person’s fault. Now, before we get into accusations, before we get into blaming before we get into belittling, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to offer up the thing that we did wrong. Now, that thing that you did wrong, you could have had the wrong body language. You could have had the wrong facial expression. You could have become defensive. Your response could have been wrong. But you’re going to begin the process by admitting what you did wrong and your poor response, your poor body language, or whatever. And as a result of you starting with what you did wrong, then what you’re owning up to is that you had a part to play in the conflict. Now, here’s the thing that you need to understand that conflict has very little to do with an issue. Let me say that again. The conflict has very little to do with an issue. What conflict has to do with is what’s going on inside of you. In the Bible, this is now in your outline. You take notes. In the Bible, the Bible says there are two causes of conflict. The first one is my own self-centeredness. My self-centeredness is the cause of conflict with myself, with the world, and with other people because listen to me, my friends. What and how I respond to situations is always directly go a direct correlation with what’s going on inside of me. Listen to me. When I am filled with peace, almost nothing upsets me when I am filled with love. Nothing irritates me when I am filled with Jesus Christ. Nothing ticks me off. Amen. I mean, what’s going on inside of me helps me or hurts me in responding to conflict. But listen to me. If I’m filled with ego, I’m filled with pride. I’m filled with myself. I am filled with self-centeredness. Then guess what happens? Anything can take me off. Anything can irritate me. Anything can send me off in a barrage of words that I shouldn’t say. It’s the thing that’s going on inside of me that determines how I contribute to what’s going on around me. It all depends on what’s inside of me. Look with me at James. Chapter four, verse one.
“Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you.”
James 4:1 (NCBI)
It is your own self-centeredness that brings up conflict. It’s your own lack of not living in the presence of God that causes you. The second thing I do it very quickly is pride. The second thing that will cause conflict is pride. Now, listen to me in pride. I am stubborn in pride. I get my feelings hurt easily. Because you know what pride is. Pride is your ego. You know what ego is. It is edging God out in my life. That’s what ego is, is edging God out. And what happens is, when my ego is at play, I can look at somebody the wrong way, and they get mad. Have you ever had that to happen? Have you ever said something or smiled at something you weren’t supposed to? And boom, they got irritated. They got mad. You know they do that. Do you know what it’s all about? The ego. It’s the ego. It’s self-centeredness. It’s pride. Because when I’m filled with peace, when I’m filled with love, when I’m filled with Jesus Christ, none of that stuff bothers me. And here’s what the Bible says in Proverbs 13:10. Pride only leads to more arguments. Now, folks, some of you, you’re in a log jam with someone in your conflict. I mean, your conflict is going nowhere. There’s no movement. There’s no progress. It’s a standoff, and you don’t know how to get by. I’m going to give you a miracle phrase this morning. This miracle phrase, if you use it, I promise you will unlock the jam that’s in your relationship, and you can begin to move forward. Now, how many of you are interested in the miracle phrase? Is anybody interested? There are a couple of you. Okay, good. Here it is.
“I’m sorry. I was only thinking of myself.”
Now, when your spouse wakes up from being passed out, you can say again to them, okay, I’m sorry. I was only thinking of myself. Folks, that’s the reality. That’s the truth. That’s what leads to conflict, is that it is something that’s inside of us that has irritated us, that’s caused us not to respond in love and peace. And it’s usually self-centeredness, or It’s our pride. Here’s the thing. All you have to do to unlock the jam is to say, I’m sorry. I was only thinking of myself. Does that make sense? So the first thing we need to do is what? We have to make the decision that we’re going to take the initiative. Because why are we peacemakers, not peacekeepers? The second thing that we’re going to do, we’re going to ask God for wisdom. The third thing that we’re going to do is that we are going to begin to admit what is my fault. The fourth thing is this.
How to Be a Peacemaker:
Listen for Their HURT & PERSPECTIVE
Now, it’s very important to listen for hurt because there’s always hurt in the conflict. The conflict is never about the ideal. Emotions and feelings are what produce the conflict. Now, you’ve heard me say this before hurt people. What do they do? They hurt people. Hurt people, hurt people. The people who are hurting the most are always the people that are lashing out the hardest. Listen to me, friends. When you are filled full of joy, what are you going to share with other people? Joy, when you’re filled full of peace, what are you going to share with other people? Peace. When you’re filled full of Jesus. What are you going to share with other people? You’re going to share Jesus. When you are filled full of hurt, what are you going to do? You’re going to lash out at everyone around you and hurt people hurt other people. What happens when people hurt us? Do we ever stop and ask the question, Why are you hurting? Because what happens? We become we become defensive. We become self-centered. Our pride is hurt. And as a result, we don’t pull back the curtains and go, You know what? That person is lashing out in hurt, which means that they’re hurting. Here’s the thing. The people who are hurting the most and who are lashing out the most are the ones who deserve the least amount of love, but they need the most amount of love at that moment. And here’s the thing. We get perspective by listening and asking questions. Notice what James said.
“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”
James 1:19 (NLT)
If you want to defuse conflict, always listen before speaking. That will defuze conflict every single time. Just ask questions. Say, why are you lashing out? Why are you hurting everybody around you that loves you? Here’s the reason. Deep down, they’re hurting, and they don’t even know how to articulate it. They don’t know how to say it. All that they know how to do is lash out in hurt, in anger at everybody around them. The fifth thing that you’re to do if you’re going to restore a broken or strained relationship is that.
How to Be a Peacemaker:
Speak the TRUTH Tactfully!
Now, let me ask you a question. Do you know of anybody in your life? That’s my monster. Me, myself, and I. The me monster. Me, myself, and I. I just tell the truth. I’ve told nothing but the truth, the whole truth. I just came back, and I gave it to them. If they don’t like it, then that’s just tough on their part. Do you know anybody else like that? That just tells the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth. They don’t care how they say it. Do you know what we call those people? We call them rude. You know, we call those people who are doing that? We call those individuals jerks. Here’s the thing, my friends, is this not all. Are you speaking the truth, but you have to speak the truth in love? Because what does Paul tell us in Ephesians 4:15?
“Speaking the truth in love.”
Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)
Folks, listen to me. Truth without love is resisted. Truth with love is received. Let me say that again. Truth without love is resisted. Truth with love is received. So it’s just not what you say. It’s how you say it. Proverbs 12:18.
“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Proverbs 12:18 (NIV)
Words can either heal or destroy. You can build or tear down. Now, the sixth thing that you need to do is this.
How to Be a Peacemaker:
Fix the PROBLEM, Not the Blame!
Suppose you need a case in point of this. It’s Washington, D.C., Now. I’m not trying to be political. But every year, the president blames Congress, and Congress blames the president, Right? It’s kind of that game. It doesn’t matter who’s in office was Republican or Democrat. It doesn’t make a difference. They’re blaming each other. Here’s the thing. When you’re blaming each other, guess what? You’re being you’re being lame. That’s the definition of blaming, being blamed. And they’re not addressing the problems. They’re all about addressing the blame. And folks, when you’re addressing the blame, you’re not working on the problems. Do you understand what I’m trying to say? Some of you you’re here today, and you have marital problems. Some of you you have financial problems. Some of you you have in-law troubles in your marriage. Some of you you’re having parenting issues with your children. And instead of addressing and fixing the problems, you’re addressing and fixing the blame. And as long as you are addressing each other and not the problem, you’re never going to fix the problem. And so, how do we become peacemakers? We start out with number one, saying we’re going to take the initiative. Number two, we’re going to ask God for wisdom. Number three. We’re going to say. This is my fault. This is what I did wrong. Number four, I’m going to listen and get the perspective of the other person because there’s always hurt involved when there’s conflict. Number five, we’re going to speak the truth tactfully. Number six. We’re going to fix the problem, not the blame. And number seven, we’re going to focus on reconciliation. And not resolution. We want to focus on reconciliation, not resolution. There’s a big difference. Let me explain. The difference for you.
Reconciliation means reestablishing the relationship.
Again, reconciliation means that you’re not going to marry your ex. You’re not going to go back to him or her. You’re not going to remarry them. It just means that you’re going to bury the hatchet. You’re going to make peace. You’re going to have harmony. You’re going to let go of the hurt. You’re going to let go of the pain. You’re actually going to forgive him or her. That’s what reconciliation is. The resolution is this.
Resolution means resolve every issue.
Folks, here’s the thing. In any relationship, you’re not going to resolve every issue. Somebody asked me one time, Well, Pastor, do you know everything about marriage? I go? No, they say how long have you been married? I said 30 years. They go, When are you going to know everything about marriage? I never know everything about marriage. It’s a work process, right? Here’s the reason why. Rose and I don’t see eye to eye on everything. She has different points of view. I have different points of view. But we’re reconciled. We resolve. But there are some things that we can never reconcile. But we still walk hand-in-hand with each other. We still love one another. See, folks, some of the things along the way is you can have unity if there’s uniformity. And that’s not true. If everybody in the relationship is thinking the same thing, then one of the individuals are not needed. You have to have diversity. You have to have a different perspective. So reconciliation is that you’re reestablishing the relationship. You’re bearing the hatchet. You’re somehow or another. Reestablishing relationship. Resolution means that you resolve every issue. That’s not even possible. I mean, would you not agree with me? There are things inside of you like there’s inside of me. There are things that I can even resolve about myself. How can I do it with someone else? And here’s the thing, God has given us the Ministry of Reconciliation. See, friends, we just think that this is about you reconciling the relationship. It is. But it is actually your ministry. You will know why part of the reason that you’re here on Earth is the Ministry of Reconciliation. Look at the last verse and your outline. This is from Second Corinthians chapter five from God’s Word.
“God has restored our relationship with him through Christ, and has given us this ministry of restoring relationships. God was using Christ to restore his relationship with humanity. He didn’t hold people’s faults against them, and he has given us this message of restored relationships to tell others. We are Christ’s representatives … We beg you on behalf of Christ to become reunited with God.”
2 Corinthians 5:18-20 (GW)
God’s desire for you this year is for you to have reconciled relationships. Here’s what I believe. I could be wrong. For many of you that are here today, the person that you have a strained or broken relationship with is someone that you’re going to see this coming week at Thanksgiving, right? I mean, because it’s usually family members that we have broken or strained relationships with. This week you’re going to have an opportunity. To decide if you’re going to be a peacemaker. And follow God’s command, or you’re going to have the opportunity to serve yourself and be a peacekeeper. Or serve yourself and be a peacebreaker. And just go on the attack. What I believe God wants you to do is be a peacemaker. On your chairs this morning when you walked in, there’s a three-by-five index card. And I’m going to ask you to pull that out. What I’m going to ask you to do. I want you to take a moment. In a few moments, we’ll give you the opportunity to do this in the service. It is to think about. Whom does God want me to be reconciled with? Maybe have multiple relationships that are strained or broken. But God wants you to reconcile with someone. That’s what you pray about. Then I want you to write their first name down. Or maybe write their initials. Then as you write those names, the name down those initials. Then when you’ve done that, and you prayed over that, then I’m going to ask you to do. I ask you to surrender it to God and say, God, I’m willing to be and take on the Ministry of Reconciliation. I’m willing to be a peacemaker. By doing that, here’s what I’m going to ask you to do. Bring your card with the name or initials on it. I’m going to ask you to just lay it at the foot of the cross. Surrender it to God. This holiday season, when that person with that you have a strained or broken relationship with. You’re going to step into it because you’re going to assume the mantle of being a peacemaker. And being a minister of reconciliation. So as we step back into worship, as the worship team leads us, this is your opportunity to write a name down. Then during this song, you have the opportunity to come and put the name and the foot of the cross.
I mean, doesn’t it just feel? Good with your soul to just acknowledge the strain or broken relationship. By just writing it on the card. I mean, there’s kind of a relief, kind of a sense of peace, about that. But wasn’t there even more peace? Was there something released inside of you when you walked down and put the card at the cross? You said, God, this is your will for my life. This is what you’re calling me to do. It’s not easy. It’s beyond my comfort zone and stretching me. Some of you even put yourself in your panic zone. But God will help you to do this. These next seven days or the next 40 days. Between now and the end of the year, the likelihood of you seeing the person that he was strained or broken relationship with is probably pretty high, and just remember. God’s called you to be a peacemaker. Not a peacemaker. Not a peacekeeper. But a peacemaker. And you can do it with his help. Amen. Well, this morning, as we just prepared to dismiss, I just want to remind you your generosity makes everything that we do a reality. If you are not on her online giving team. 75% of the people who give to our church faithfully. They do that online. You can set up your online giving profile set it up. You go to eastsideky.church/give You can make a one-time donation. You can do whatever. You know, guys, your faithfulness and generosity just amaze me. You make everything that we do possible. So again, I just want to say thank you. This week. You’ve got family plans. I don’t know where your family plans will be leading you, but here’s what I want to encourage you to do as we enter into this season of Thanksgiving. Let me just encourage you to do a couple of things. Number one is to give thanks to God for his faithfulness in your life. Okay? Just say, God, thank you for everything. Number two, express Thanksgiving to those people around you. Don’t take it for granted that they know how you feel. Express your gratitude, and I encourage you to do that. I want to express my gratitude to you. I’m so glad that I get to be your Pastor. I’m thankful that we get to push back darkness together. We get to help more people live in all love for Jesus. We get to help people by meeting their needs together. I just want to thank you for being such a great congregation is a pleasure and honor to be your Pastor. As you’re dismissed this week, may you go in the power in the presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.