Hope for Hurting Parents

MESSAGE TRANSCRIPTION: 

 

Hey, give it up for a worship team this morning. What about that, huh? Yeah. We have a bunch of talented people around here. I understand now why God didn’t give me the ability to clap on beat or to sing on note and all that he gave to other people, so I’m out. But so good to see you this morning. I’m Virgil Grant. I am one of the leaders around here. I’m also the Senior Pastor. I want to welcome you. We’re finishing up a sermon series today called For Families. If you happen to miss any of the previous two messages, let me invite you to go back and go to our website, eastsideky.church, and you can catch up and listen to the messages that you may have missed or any of the other previous messages. You know, some of the greatest hurt that we can experience as individuals can come from our family, from our parents, from our spouse, from our relatives, from our children. The pain can be almost unbearable. They can be unkind, ungrateful. They can even be unfaithful. Today, as we complete this sermon series. I want us to look at one of the greatest stories in all of Scripture. It was by far the most popular parable that Jesus ever spoke, and that is the parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke chapter 15. So if you have your Bible or your Bible app, let me invite you to turn with me to Luke chapter 15. I love this story because it is a story that provides hope for hurting parents. It’s a lesson about life. It’s a lesson about parenting. In Luke chapter 15, we discover some principles helping us to deal with hurt as parents. Now, let me just say something upfront. One of the things that bother me about parenting is this I know a lot of godly parents this morning who have children that are living in rebellion. Now I don’t know the answer to that. I don’t know why that happened. It happened in Scripture. It’s happened in church history. It’s happened in my life. It’s happened in many of your lives. It’s happening to some of you right now. I just know this. There are a lot of parents right now at this, very moment that is living with a lot of guilt because they feel highly responsible for the fact that their child or children are living in rebellion or living a wayward lifestyle. Friends, there’s so much more to the story than just that. We’re going to unpack that. Now, as a pastor, I get a front-row seat, unfortunately, to the pain, the hurt, and the heartache. When a child decides to live a different lifestyle, it messes up everyone else’s life. Now, not only do I get a front-row seat to see other people and other families walk through their pain, hurt, and heartache. Miss Rosa and I we’ve actually walked through that same scenario. So everything that I’m going to be sharing with you this morning not only comes out of Scripture but is something that Rose and I experienced with our son, Jacob, back in 2009 and 2010, which is just a quick story for many of you that may not know the story in the fall of 2009, we actually kicked our son Jacob out of our home through a series of events. November, December, January, February, March, and the 1st of March, we come across Jacob, and through a series of events, he ends up getting a drug test. The drug test comes back the next week. He has all kinds of crazy stuff in his system. Then as a family, we plan an intervention. If you ever watch the show Intervention, I think it’s the TLC channel. That is exactly how the intervention went down with their son. We had a guy come in from Minneapolis, Minnesota. We had Jacob’s suitcase packed. He was either he goes with this gentleman back to Minneapolis, or he was going to go to the street with no help from anyone. Jacob chose to go to Minneapolis and do recovery. He went to Minneapolis. He spent 120 days in recovery and came home on the 3rd of August, 2010. I just know that what I’m talking about today not only comes out of Scripture but firsthand knowledge. You just have to trust the process because there’s a process at play. If you don’t trust the process, If you try to circumvent the process, it’s not going to work. I just want to talk to you today. 

What Do You Do When Your Children Are Beyond

Your Control?

There are three stages to this. The first stage is. 

REBELLION

If you look with me at Luke, chapter 15, verses 11 and 12, I do something to do with this ballot because it’s going to go rolling. There we go. Luke Chapter 15, verses 11 and 12. 

“There was once a man who had two sons. The younger said to his father, “Father, I want right now what’s coming to me.””

Luke 15:11-12

So stage one is rebellion. There’s always this with every child and parent relationship. This is going to be a struggle, and the struggle is always going to be controlled. Now, periods, as Brooke talked about last week when a child is born who’s in control 100% of the time is that we are. But over time, that control that responsibility is what is to shift and is to go from you to them. Now, here’s the thing, parents, that you need to understand. 

YOUR CONTROL IS NOT PERMANENT

Now, we think that it’s permanent, but it’s not permanent. And if you think that your control over your child or children’s lives is permanent, then you’re going to set yourself up for failure. It’s never, ever permanent. Now, most of you are going to agree with me on this next statement. The kids today, they want more control over their lives quicker than we’re willing to give it to them. Would you not agree? I mean, they think they deserve it. They think they should give it quicker. But every person that I know, every parent that I know, struggles with when to turn over the reins to their child or to their children. It’s one of those things that makes parenting super, super hard. In this particular case, in our story, there’s this classic confrontation. And what is the confrontation? The son’s younger son goes to his father, and he says to his father, want I want what is mine. Give me my portion. As one translation says, the root of rebellion is the phrase What give me. It’s all about me. Give it to me. Give what belongs to me. And at the root of rebellion is this phrase. 

GIVE ME

I want to be my own boss. I want to be in control of my life. This young man was fed up, if you will, with the farm life. Now, look at me. Verse 13 from the message. Now notice this. 

“The younger son packed his bags and left for a distant country,” 

Luke 15:13

Now, do you understand that this young boy, this young man, he had been reading about the distant country for years now? He’d heard about it. He’s talked to people who’d been there. He’s read about it. He has interviewed other people. I mean, just think about this is that his heart has been in the distant country for years now or seasons, and soon to be, his feet were going to be in the distant country. And do you understand that wherever your heart is, your feet will eventually get there? You know what I’m talking about. I just wondered this morning how many of you may be living in a distant country. Now, I’m not talking about location-wise, but I’m talking about the heart desire. How many of you packed your bags and you have become distant from God? How many of you are drifting from God? How many of you are wandering away from God? How many of you are desiring something else other than the Kingdom of God? And that’s a question that we have to answer for ourselves. I believe that some of you are here this morning, and you’re on the road to a distant country. And if that is where your heart is. Then your feet will eventually arrive there as well. And so he got ready on this particular day. The younger son did. The birds were singing. The sun was shining. The flowers were blooming. And. He has an excitement in his heart. Just think about this. He’s thrilled. He’s going through his mind everything that’s going to happen in the distant country. And as he’s thinking, as he’s seeing the sun shining, as he hears the birds singing, he sees the flowers blooming. He’s going through his mind. All of these things that he’s going to experience. And what is the dad doing? The dad is over here. Doing what? Grieving the process. He’s grieving to watch his son leave. And the son pays no particular attention to the desires of his father whatsoever. And what does the father do? Now, folks, you have to understand there are a couple of things that go on. If you look back midway down your outline, what to do when they’re in the stage of rebellion. Number one. 

Let Them GO! 

What do you do? You have to let them go. You have to release them. The father in the story did not try to restrain his son. We tried to restrain Jacob, and it didn’t work. And here’s the thing, folks, you have to release them. Look with me in Luke chapter 15, verse 13, it says, Then the younger son gathered up all that was his, and he traveled to far away to another country. The father released him. The father had been preparing him for this day. The father just wasn’t ready for it. And folks, again, I ask you the question, when is the proper time to release control over your children? And I just really don’t know. It’s kind of hard. It’s difficult. And I think that you would agree with that. Let me ask you this question. If your 18-year-old came to you and said, Hey, dad, give me my portion of my inheritance right now. What would you say? You would say the same thing, though. I would. No way, Jose. You can’t even manage your allowance, let alone your inheritance. But the father actually gives him the inheritance. And here’s what I know. The tighter we hold on, the more they will resist. The more that we try to control, the more we try to express control or exert control over our children, the more that they will resist, the more anger, and the more bitterness that they will have in their hearts. So they let go. The father let go. But number two, the father lets his son make his own mistakes. This is very important because I think this is what took place. I’m not sure if this is what took place. This is just my imagination. I think the son was headed to a distant country as he went along to the distant country. There’s all the glitter. There was all the dazzling, all the enticement, all the allure of the distant country. I think that he picked up some pretty good companions there along the way. I think that he made some friends. Do you know why he made some friends? Because. Why Andrew? He had a pocket full of money. And it’s easy to make friends when you have money, and you’re spending the money on your friends. And he finally arrived. He was in the crowd. Do you know what the word of the day was for the in-crowd back then? It was love. And he had money, and he had friends. But notice what happens in verse 13, the second part of the verse from The New Century version of the Bible, and it says

“…There he wasted all his money in foolish living”

Luke 15:13b 

He went on a spending spree. Everything that he saw in the decent country he wanted. He wanted to look at the parts of Guess what he did. He went out, and he purchased all of the ladies’ fashionable clothing. And he looked the part. He went out, and he rented a penthouse. And the penthouse was what? It was fully furnished. He needed a new set of wheels. So he went out, and he got a new set of wheels. And he had all kinds of friends. He was living a lavish lifestyle. He was doing anything and everything that he wanted. The good times were rolling. He threw off all the restraints of his father and of his home. There was plenty of beer to drink. There are plenty of pills to pop. There was plenty of pot to smoke. There was free sex. There is everything that he’d ever heard. There it was in the distant country. And I’m not going to sit here and tell you that he had a bad time. He did not have a bad time. Foolish of me to say that it was boring and it was not fun. I mean, the kid actually lived it up, but that word wasted is such a picturesque word in Greek. It literally means the word wasted is that you pick up some green, and the wind is blowing, and you touch the green, and the wind blows it all away. And literally, the sun wasted everything, everything that he had blown away. Now, let me just say something to you. Some of you are living in rebellion right now. Some of you are thinking about rebellion. Some of you you’ve lived in rebellion in the past, and now you’re living at the foot of the cross. And you understand this next phrase. 

Rebellion is always a waste of your life. 

When you rebel, it’s a waste of your time, your money, your energy, your days, your years. The relationships that you may possess. Rebellion is a waste of life. But let me tell you something else. 

The distant country doesn’t care anything about you. 

The only thing that they care about is what you’re going to spend, what you’re going to invest when you’ve finished spending when you’re finished investing. They’re through with you. They don’t care. The distant country doesn’t care anything about you whatsoever. They have no emotional attachment whatsoever to you. We think that the distant country cares about us. The distant country does not care about us at all. And so what is the father do? Number one, he let his son go. Number two, he allowed his son to make his own mistakes. But number three. 

He let his son reap the consequences of his choices. 

The friends, this is when it gets hard. This is when it gets difficult. Look what it says in verse 14. 

“After he had spent everything, a time came when there was not food anywhere in the country, and the son was poor and hungry.”

Luke 15:14 

Have you ever been that person? With empty pockets, empty stomachs, and empty life. There’s a price for rebellion. And here’s this young man who’s so hungry that he took a job. Doing what? Tending to the hogs. Feeding the hogs. Look with me at verses 15 and 16. 

So he got a job with one of the citizens there who sent the son into the fields to feed pigs. The son was so hungry that he wanted to eat the pods the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.”

Luke 15:15-16 (NCV) 

Now, Andrew, I don’t know about you, but I’ve always wondered about the pods. How many of you’ve read that and go what a pod is? You know? So I did a little research for this sermon. There’s this belief from this one scholar that I was reading is a carob tree, and there’s probably a lonely carob tree in the middle of this pig pen, and the younger son here in the story, the one who wasted everything, would get into the pig pen, would crawl up into the tree, would shake the tree, and the pots from the carob tree would fall to the ground. The son would come down off the tree. And the time he would get down and pick up the pods gets what the pigs would have done. They would have already eaten all of the pods. And so this is what is going on. This is what sin will do to you. We each have a choice. We can either choose to be the son or the daughter of God, or we can choose to be the devil’s hog tender. We have a choice. We can make up her mind to live in the father’s house where there is peace, love, and forgiveness. Or we can make the choice to allow the devil to rule our lives. Now, let me just pause here on the story of the son for just a moment and all the consequences that he’s going through. Let me ask you a question. How do you think the father is feeling at this very moment? I mean, do you think the father is feeling a little embarrassed at this moment? Just think about it. I mean, he hears one report after another report, one gossip after another gossip about his son, and he’s embarrassed. I mean, just think about it. I mean, here is this son’s father who is wealthy, who’s rich, who has a reputation, who is well known in the community. But every story that he receives is an embarrassment to him and to his family. The father felt sorry for the son. And some of you. You’ve experienced this. Some of you you’re experiencing it right now. Your child or your children is out there living in rebellion, and you really do not know what to do. You really don’t know what the next step is. You’re really feeling guilty, and you’re feeling guilty because of what’s going on. You’re hearing the gossip stories, you’re hearing the reports, and you’re overwhelmed. But let me just say something to you parents, is that. 

Parent’s responsibilities end when there is no control. 

Now, folks, listen. You can be responsible to someone, but you can’t be responsible for someone. What happens is, is a lot of parents, and this was true with Rose. Rose felt so much guilt that Jacob went wayward in her family that she just questioned herself. What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? As a parent, as a mother, What should I have done differently? And, of course, Jacob, on the other side of it, said, Mom, Dad, you did everything perfectly. And we knew that was the truth. But in his mind, it was his own choice and not our doing. And so the father let him reap the consequences. Now it’s when you’re reaping the consequences that we want to do what, Andrew? We want to wire the money. We want to send the Calvary in. We want to send the care package. This father realized something that we all need to realize nature life itself has a way of correcting your children in ways that we cannot do it. Wouldn’t you agree with me that life has a way of correcting our children and giving them consequences, giving them life lessons that our children would never learn from us? And because of that, Father, let them go. Because the father allowed them to make mistakes because the father allowed him to feel and reap the consequences of his choices, which led to stage two, and here’s stage two. Notice the progression. 

Re-Evaluation,

REGRET, &

REPENTANCE

There’s a very important series of steps there. There’s a reevaluation. There was regret, and then there was repentance. Now look at Luke Chapter 15. 

“Finally, he came to his senses and said…I will go to my father…”

Luke 15:17.18 (paraphrased) 

Many of you are right now. You’re praying that prayer. Many of you. That is your prayer. You’re wondering. You’re considering When is my child? When is my loved one, and when is my family member? When are they going to come home? We’re praying that they will come to their senses. And I want you to understand that the process here there’s a reevaluation. There’s a time that you wise up, there’s a time that you evaluate your life and go, where’s my life headed? And then there is regret. There’s a sense of guilt, but it doesn’t stop there. There’s a sense of repentance. The son heads home because of a change of heart, not because he needs a change of clothing. Because in verse 12, what does the son say to his father? Give me my portion. Give me what belongs to me. But look what his attitude is in verse nineteen. He says. 

“I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”

Luke 15:19 (NLT) 

Many of you are waiting for your loved one. You’re waiting for your child, your family member, or a friend. You’re waiting for someone to come to the place of repentance. Where are they going to reevaluate? When are they going to regret it? When they’re going to have repentance? And what am I supposed to do as I wait on a change of heart or repentance? There are a couple of things, folks. These are so simple. You’re going to say, Really? Is that all there is in best friend number one? 

What to Do as You Wait for A Change of Heart/Repentance:

PRAY

Listen to me. We underestimate the power of prayer. If we knew what prayer. Is doing and what prayer has done. My 8:00 men’s prayer meeting would be filled. We’d have to take over the worship center. Once you realize what prayer does and how prayer moves in heaven and in the heart and in hell, when you realize the power of prayer and what prayer does. You will not want to miss out on prayer. Let me just say something to you. Rose and her family, and I prayed like crazy for Jake. And folks, we believe that it was only the prayers that we prayed for him that God answered. Folks, it’s totally a God thing. And if God doesn’t show up and show off. Why do you think that you can show up and show off in your son or daughter’s life that’s gone wayward? It doesn’t happen. Let me just what happened to Rose and me. Jake has a drug of choice. Do you know what became our drug of choice? Trying to fix Jacob? And it never works. We compromised. We did all kinds of things because we felt like we could fix Jacob and we couldn’t fix them, and we had to turn them over to God, and we just had to pray. The second thing that we did was we committed him to God. You’ve got to commit your children to God. You have to give them to God. The third thing that you have to do is you have to wait. Folks, when you’re in the period of waiting, a season of waiting, that is when God changes your heart. And this is what the father did. The father waited. He prayed. He gave his son to the Lord. And here’s the thing, because the father was willing to let the son rebel, he was willing to do the second stage where we did this reevaluation, this regret, and this repentance. It led to the third stage. The third stage is. 

THE RETURN. 

What do you do with the return? What do you do when your child calls you and shows up at your door? How you handle the return is critical. We see in the story the father did three things, and I can say to you out of the whole entire process, the best thing that we did was number three, the return of our son, Jacob. Notice there are three things the father did. 

What to Do? How you handle the return is very important:

Love Them FAITHFULLY

He never stopped loving his son. He was always praying. Every morning he would go out, and every day. He would look out over the horizon, hoping to see the shadow, the silhouette of his son coming home. He just kept looking day after day. Look what it says in verse 20. 

“…And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming.

Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.”

Luke 15:20 (NLT)

Number two. 

What to Do? How you handle the return is very important:

Accept Them UNCONDITIONALLY

Friends, you’ve got to accept your child, your loved one, unconditionally. The father didn’t put any constraints, didn’t put any requirements on his son. He embraced him, kissed him, and loved him unconditionally. He didn’t say, you know what, son? You got to go take a shower. You got to go take a bath. You got to go change clothes. You got to shave. You got to straighten up. You got to go repent. You got to go apologize to your mother. You got to go apologize to your older brother. He didn’t say any of that. He just accepted him unconditionally. Now, some of your thinking. Well, Pastor, I cannot accept my child for all the things that they’re doing because of all the things they’re doing. Listen. It’s not what I believe in. Friends listen to me very, very carefully. There’s a difference between acceptance and approval. There’s nothing that my two children could ever do that would cause me to turn my back on them. Never. I will always accept them 100% unconditionally. Because I accept them and love them unconditionally doesn’t mean that I approve of the things that they’ve done or the things that they’re doing. I mean, I love him. I accept my children right now. There are things they do I don’t approve of. Their mother doesn’t approve, but we still love them. See, folks, this is the reason why everyone’s welcome here. We can accept people. Wherever their at doesn’t mean that we have to approve of their lifestyle. We don’t have to approve of their sin. But we can accept them and love them unconditionally. Embrace them, kiss them, and begin a spiritual conversation with them. Notice what it says. 

The Son’s Confession: “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.”

Luke 15:21 (NLT)

Can I ask you a question? Could you make acceptance a part of your family? Because when you do, the confession is so much simpler. Let me ask you this question. Are you willing to accept your child? And you can say to accept you unconditionally, but that doesn’t mean I approve. We can talk about that. But notice the third thing very quickly. 

What to Do? How you handle the return is very important:

Forgive Them COMPLETELY

Some of you, you’ve accepted your child back, but you haven’t forgiven them completely. Notice what the father said here. He says. 

“Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet.”

Luke 15:22 (NLT)

You know what I liked about this father? Is that he didn’t rub it in. He just rubbed it out. He didn’t preach the son a sermon. He gave his son forgiveness. See, this morning, this story has a happy ending. In this story, the son comes back home. But for some of you that are here this morning, the verdict is still out. You have a child out there, and you don’t even know where that child is. You don’t know if they will ever come home. And it’s literally destroying you, destroying your marriage. What do you do? Pain is a part of life. Pain is part of living. And pain is to drive us into the arms of God. Some of you this morning because you don’t know where your child is, and you’ve given up on your child. For some of you, you’ve just said. It’s over the never coming back home. See friends. You’ve given up on them. I’m here to tell you this morning it’s only the bottom of the third inning. Guess what? God is coming up to the plate for a bat. You know what happens when he comes up to the plate and he takes a swing he never misses. For some of you this morning, God brought you here for one purpose and one purpose only to remind you that as long as your child or your loved one has breath, there’s hope because God is on his throne. And one day, you’re going to get to say like this father said in verse 24. 

 “For this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.”

Luke 15:24 (NLT)

Oh, what a glorious day that will be, my friends. So this morning. We will do something a little different. We will have some of our staff members, some of our team members. They’re just going to be down front. They’re going to come right now, and they’re just going to stand. And for many of you, you’ve got a loved one, you’ve got a child, you’ve got a family member. You have a friend. You have someone in your life that is rebellious. You don’t know if they’re ever going to come home. For some of you, you’ve got loved ones that are heading down that path. And there’s just a lot going on right now and families, and we just want to pray with you. We want to. Implement this strategy of prayer because I really believe in the power of prayer. And so this morning, let me just ask you to stand to your feet and father right now. As we go into a time of. Just interceding for loved ones and reminding them that everything may look full of hopelessness, but in reality, there’s hope because Jesus Christ is still on his throne. And there’s some here today, Lord, that are experiencing everything that the father did in the story that we’ve just retold. And, Father, they’re broken. They’re crushed. Because of a son, because of a daughter, because of a parent. An uncle. A friend. A neighbor. And Lord, we just want to come and intercede and pray for one another. So this morning, if you have a need, it may not be even someone who’s rebellious. Maybe you have another need. Talked to several of you, and many of you, you got cancer running rampant in your families. Gosh, I hate cancer with a purple passion. I can’t wait until one day we get to heaven. There’s no more cancer. There’s no more pain. Whatever it is, our team is here to pray with you as a worshiper leads us. 

You know, this morning, Jesus wants to be your friend, and Jesus is your friend, whether you realize it or not, regardless of your circumstances. Don’t determine anything about the love of Jesus. His love settled for you and me over 2000 years ago when he went to the cross and took the hit that you should have taken. And so his love. You can never question his love for you because he settled that at Calvary. Amen. And this morning, I want you to know that God is with you. God is in you, and God’s for you. And He invites you wherever you’re at this morning to talk to him. And as the song says. It doesn’t have to be pretty. It doesn’t have to be fancy, doesn’t have to be eloquent. He just invites you into the relationship. And so this morning, as we close out again, I just want to thank you for being here. Next week, I’m going to launch a brand new sermon series on the Beatitudes, the first 11 verses of Matthew chapter five. We’re going to go first verse over the next eight weeks looking at the Beatitudes. I encourage you to come back next week as we launch that sermon. And also, I just want to say to you thank you for your ongoing generosity. I know many of you serve on our online giving team. Where you went online and set up a recurring giving. And it’s because of your generosity that we’re able to do everything there is to do to push back the darkness and continue to serve the people in our community. So on behalf of the leadership of the church, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your generosity. We greatly appreciate it. I’m going to pray us out, and then you’re dismissed. Father. Right now. There’s so much pain in this room. There’s more pain in this room. Then was let on. I know the stories. I’ve been walking with the people. And father, I was just thankful, just thankful and grateful that you are a friend. That you want us to come to, you draw near to you. The Scripture says, As we draw nearer to you, you draw nearer to us. And father. I pray that today those who are struggling with rebellious children. Rebellious family members. That father that you would continue to encourage them and remind them that the game is not over. It’s only the bottom of the third, and God’s coming up to bat. And when he swings, he never misses. As a father, we trust and place her hope in Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ alone. Father, we love you, and we thank you for this day. In Jesus’s name, Amen.